Good Afternoon fellow bloggers! As some of you have noticed, I've been silent for the better part of three weeks. Life has been quite the melange of interesting happenings as of late. Things at work are coming to a head - finally! I've been on a personal journey for the last little while that has turned out some pretty fantastic events int he last little while, and I've been taking a lot of time to reflect on me.
Also, in these last couple of weeks I've broken a couple of things. The biggest item broken is my financial state. Yep, done broke that thing to bits!
On a personal note, I've dropped 13 pounds, and 14 total body inches (3.5 of those from my waist, 2 from my stomach, 2 from my hips, and 3 from my quads!!) I've had to go shopping. I broke down, because many of the summer items I was wearing, although belted, looked like I was swimming in them - and felt that way too. Unlike SSTBC and the weight loss she has encountered (WAY TO GO!) I did break down and buy clothes. I'm spending some time this weekend going back through my wardrobe and removing the rest of the items that are swimming on me. I'll be donating most of them as they are lightly worn, still have lots of life left in them, and pretty stylish if I do say so myself. Lots of basic pieces that don't go out of style.
This is a personal victory for me, and about the first third of the journey to a better me I start in February, after the Valentine's Incident. What this tells me is that I can do this, it isn't that difficult and I'm ready to be in the best shape of my life. I am working towards a 40 pound weight loss, and have not yet weighed in today, but I'm pretty sure I've completed the first 15 pounds. The inches lost have been amazing! I go tot he gym, kickbox twice a week, and now that the weather is nice, I've been out riding my bicycle. All super good cardio exercises that keep my heaert rate up and my body melting those little pockets of fat from everywhere! The feeling of going into a clothing store, trying on the size you used to take, realizing you aren't that size and moving down one is great. What's even better is when you get to move another size down from there!! I'm at a clutch point in my loss right now.
For those of you who are of the vivacious and curvy persuasion you'll understand about the clutch point I've reached. I am now fitting into size 14plus (haven't been here in years!). This is the smallest plus size you can buy in commercial stores. What this means is, I'll begin sitting on that plus, not-plus fence in another 5-8 pounds. This is territory I've only been in one other time in my life - when I went off to post-secondary education and somehow walked myself from a 14plus to a solid 10-12 regular! It meant I could go into all of those stores with the really cute items and actually walk out with pieces that looked smoking hot on me! I'm sitting at the door again. This time though, I'm ready, willing, and eager to break through that door and feel comfortable in those clothes!!!
All this being said, int he process of realigning my attire to my body, I broke my finances! Like broke so badly not even my emergency account will bail me out!
Am I mad at myself - a little bit. Could I have waited a little longer before shopping? Yes. Will I have to shop again at a later date to re-outfit again? Definitely. Will it be as bad as this time? No. Here's why...the clothes I previously wore at the smaller-me size (the next set of sizes down from where I"m at now) still sit in my wardrobe. I still have those pieces in the closet waiting for me to again return to my formally smaller self so I can wear them. I didn't have them that long before I ballooned, so I didn't give them all away. By doing that I can periodically try them on and see where I'm at in my journey. Plus it gives me a visual goal to get to. I'll only have to replace a small amount of the rest of my wardrobe, as I purposely purchased all of the clothes in such a way that a little tailoring can take them down a size. And I shopped in a store that is a regular/plus all the way through, which means that the everyday items I'll be wearing to work and play are actually already a 14 regular - they just use a better cut template than most of the other places.
Incidently, for those who are looking for really cute, well made items, I'd recommend Ricki's - if you are in downtown Toronto though, you'll have to head out to a suburb or to Square One to find one of there stores. They purposely stayed out of downtown with this chain. They also camaflouge their outright plus catering because they outfit the every woman. Same clothes made in sizes from 0-22, so you can't see that they are plus unless you actually look at the racks. Unlike some other stores that have a petit, regular and plus separate store, or are plus only, this store caters to the woman that is naturally built - which in my case means plus on top, regular on the bottom. I have "flat-ass" syndrome. Which means when I topped out at 237 pounds, I actually had a butt worthy of a J-Lo pant. Now at a 200, I have pancake butt with a little lift thanks to squat kicks at kickboxing. At 237 I could just wear an X panty from Addition Elle. Often I had to buy the bra there, then walk over to La Senza and find closely matching undergarments to go with it. Used to drive me nuts. I'm genetically gifted in the top region, which means when I lose weight, it comes off my midsection faster than my bustline. So I'll probably never get to a size that La Senza actually stocks. I've accepted this and am happy to be able to have the power to shock Addition Elle staff when they tell me I'm "too small" for their clothes. I simply smile and say while your shirts are often cut on a large template, I do still need your bra sizing.
At Ricki's they understand that being plus does not mean that you are style-less. They also understand that many women are only plus in a portion of their body, but not necessarily the entire thing. This allows you to work with their separates in the sizes that best suit both halves of your body, and really find the best pieces for you. By the way - I'm a 16 top, but a 12-14 bottom. It's that flat-ass thing =)
I digress. my real reason for posting this is to share some of my successes, but to admit utter and total defeat in my quest for debt freedom. I broke my finances.
So what do I do? Well, first thing I took that credit card out of my wallet. I'm planning on handing it to my Gail club for safe keeping. Second, I've reconnected with my budget. It and I have been needling each other for the last week or so, while I get it into the nearly-uncomfortable tightness. Third, I think I'm going to employ a new spin on the personal finances....
I want to be debt free by the end of November 2011...just a little over one year from now. I'm tired of draggin around my butt, thighs, midsection and debt. So, the combination of my eating and exercise plan, paired with my financial diet, will get me to that last day of November having unloaded more than just the weight of the debt. I will be slimmer, healthier, more financially stable and ready to conquer the world!
In order to do this, it's time to shed all the facades. It's time to get hard with myself. It's time to ask for help. So - Gail group, if you are reading this, I've found the next addition to our meetings. I'll be arriving statements in hand, budget binder diligently filled out and cards turned over to meeting, to own up to my financial mistakes, put myself back together and have the accountability and the "Gail" I need to get myself to that goal. We are going to put me to rights, even if I whine and complain and kick and scream!
I have begun a journey akin to that of the transformation a caterpillar undergoes while becoming a butterfly. It's time to begin the formation of my chrysalis. Some species take but 2 weeks to form their wings and fly away, others take entire seasons to get this done. I feel I'll be a rare and magestic species, spending a year in the chrysalis stage, ensuring my transformation is done right. I"ll probably also drop myself into an ants nest to protect myself from predators (like the large blue Maculinea arion butterfly I love). Alas, it is time to complete the transformation and stop procrastinating. I want my wings already!!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Monday, June 07, 2010
Extravagance on a Budget!
This past weekend I had a little time to myself. I had thought originally I would be helping my best friend shoe shop for the Prom she was chaperoning (she's an HS teacher), but that didn't pan out as Prom was actually this weekend. Instead while Le Boyfriend was off at work helping with the immensely overbooked schedule of this month, I enjoyed some serious time alone. Something I didn't realize I needed until this weekend.
Truthfully, I think it's the thing I've been missing for a while now. I love spending time with myself. I love being lazy, doing whatever I want when I want, and having the freedom to know that I'm happy doing it. So this weekend, I woke up fairly early for me on Saturday (I'm not usually out of bed before 10am on any weekend morning), at 8 am, contemplated staying in bed, then decided that since i was home alone I'd simply change locations and crash on the couch. I enjoyed the entire morning with Charlotte, Miranda, Carrie, Samantha and Big, watching Season 2 of SATC. Two weeks ago as a reward to myself for doing really well on my weight goal, I took myself out to the mall in search of something truly rewarding. Truth be told, I was craving a seriously good piece of cake for making my goal, but thought about the hard work I'd put in and decided against taking the step back. Instead I wandered the mall, contemplating splurging on a Coach bag I saw...or perhaps some really awesome shoes....but alas I wasn't moved to anything. Even Coach was speaking to me. So I wandered a little more and decided what the heck, lets see what Walmart has today!
In I went, wandering around. I passed the Entertainment section and kicked myself for not waiting just a little longer on getting the First SATC movie - you see Walmart had the Wedding Collection Set on sale for $19.99 and I"d spent $50 on the Wedding Collection set already. grr...aw well - couldn't take it back I'd already watched it twice...but what's this? Right behind those was the entire Series, individually seasoned...hrmm...what price I wonder, as I'd seen that Walmart was selling the entire series plus extra footage for $124.83 a little while ago but didn't get it....
Each season DVD was $18.88 - season 6 split into two separate DVD's so that would be $18.88 x 7...hmmm...$132.16 + tax for all of them? Well...that would be 7 weeks of rewards for myself! 7 weeks! Alrighty then I'll take them! I got home and opened the first Season - took me a couple of days to get through as I was pacing myself. What I found inside was something I hadn't noticed before...Each of the DVD's contained a $10 "check" for admission to see SATC 2! Well now!
This weekend I spent the morning with Season 2, and the afternoon with SATC 2. I got myself a very decadent cupcake, purchased a drink at the theatre, and had my admission paid for. the whole trip cost me $2.50 - since i had a gift card for the place the cupcake came from, given to me as payment for spending an evening watching a very very adorable little girl, a couple of months ago! Yes indeed I spent $2.50 on a movie! What a great afternoon!
So spent the whole day with myself and some much needed girl time with some pretty funky ladies! I followed that movie up with a fabulous dinner, at a lovely little Italien place I know of. I did take Le Boyfriend with me for dinner, as after spending all day with those ladies I was a bit tired and didn't feel like cooking.
Sunday was spent reading, then Le Boyfriend and I headed out to a lovely little town to walk in an out of tiny little shops for 3 hours yesterday afternoon. I found a wonderfully cheery door-hanger for my apartment door for $20, and a Book for my Grandfather for $15. We ate an ice cream at the end of the trip and then went home, did a little laundry and some more reading. What a lovely weekend!
I think i still have a contact high from all the SATC though. And to boot I've been wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear in over a year again! Feeling pretty happy with myself.
Tonight though, I'm headed to my kickbox class, to kick my butt into a smaller size! I can't wait to get my "skinny for me" clothes back on!
Truthfully, I think it's the thing I've been missing for a while now. I love spending time with myself. I love being lazy, doing whatever I want when I want, and having the freedom to know that I'm happy doing it. So this weekend, I woke up fairly early for me on Saturday (I'm not usually out of bed before 10am on any weekend morning), at 8 am, contemplated staying in bed, then decided that since i was home alone I'd simply change locations and crash on the couch. I enjoyed the entire morning with Charlotte, Miranda, Carrie, Samantha and Big, watching Season 2 of SATC. Two weeks ago as a reward to myself for doing really well on my weight goal, I took myself out to the mall in search of something truly rewarding. Truth be told, I was craving a seriously good piece of cake for making my goal, but thought about the hard work I'd put in and decided against taking the step back. Instead I wandered the mall, contemplating splurging on a Coach bag I saw...or perhaps some really awesome shoes....but alas I wasn't moved to anything. Even Coach was speaking to me. So I wandered a little more and decided what the heck, lets see what Walmart has today!
In I went, wandering around. I passed the Entertainment section and kicked myself for not waiting just a little longer on getting the First SATC movie - you see Walmart had the Wedding Collection Set on sale for $19.99 and I"d spent $50 on the Wedding Collection set already. grr...aw well - couldn't take it back I'd already watched it twice...but what's this? Right behind those was the entire Series, individually seasoned...hrmm...what price I wonder, as I'd seen that Walmart was selling the entire series plus extra footage for $124.83 a little while ago but didn't get it....
Each season DVD was $18.88 - season 6 split into two separate DVD's so that would be $18.88 x 7...hmmm...$132.16 + tax for all of them? Well...that would be 7 weeks of rewards for myself! 7 weeks! Alrighty then I'll take them! I got home and opened the first Season - took me a couple of days to get through as I was pacing myself. What I found inside was something I hadn't noticed before...Each of the DVD's contained a $10 "check" for admission to see SATC 2! Well now!
This weekend I spent the morning with Season 2, and the afternoon with SATC 2. I got myself a very decadent cupcake, purchased a drink at the theatre, and had my admission paid for. the whole trip cost me $2.50 - since i had a gift card for the place the cupcake came from, given to me as payment for spending an evening watching a very very adorable little girl, a couple of months ago! Yes indeed I spent $2.50 on a movie! What a great afternoon!
So spent the whole day with myself and some much needed girl time with some pretty funky ladies! I followed that movie up with a fabulous dinner, at a lovely little Italien place I know of. I did take Le Boyfriend with me for dinner, as after spending all day with those ladies I was a bit tired and didn't feel like cooking.
Sunday was spent reading, then Le Boyfriend and I headed out to a lovely little town to walk in an out of tiny little shops for 3 hours yesterday afternoon. I found a wonderfully cheery door-hanger for my apartment door for $20, and a Book for my Grandfather for $15. We ate an ice cream at the end of the trip and then went home, did a little laundry and some more reading. What a lovely weekend!
I think i still have a contact high from all the SATC though. And to boot I've been wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear in over a year again! Feeling pretty happy with myself.
Tonight though, I'm headed to my kickbox class, to kick my butt into a smaller size! I can't wait to get my "skinny for me" clothes back on!
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Wandering in and Abyss of Fog
I've been away from blogging for a little over 2 weeks now. I've been wandering in the Abyss of Fog for about a month. Yesterday I began to find my way out of the fog.
This last little while I've felt like my head is foggy, that I've had no direction, and that I could probably spin in one place making myself dizzy and still get closer to my goals than if I walked straight without the spinning. Starting with a life coach has been helping a lot but this last little while I've found more questions than answers. I've also realized that I have been neglecting my finances.
Budget = toast
Credit Card = balance increased
Savings = Increased
All I can say is it's time to re-evaluate my financial statues and get on track with my goals.
I sat down and redid the budget yesterday. I'm still ok with that - the part that I'm not ok with is that I've allowed myself to indulge in things I knew I couldn't afford and yet did it anyways. Looking back at May I have come to realize that I had burnt myself out all the way across the board. I'm burnt out with keeping track of my money. I'm burnt out with my relationship. I'm burnt out at my job. I'm just plain burnt out. I needed to get refocused.
I enjoyed a lovely conversation with a great person last night that let me vent out some of my frustrations with life in general. It was nice to talk to someone about things. It was nice to get away from everything for an evening.
So yesterday I sat down and re-did the numbers. I figured out I was a little tighter than I was comfortable with on a few things. I realized that I needed to give a little for the just in case section of the budget so I redid the numbers and have moved $50 from my savings back into my monthly budget to cover the one thing that I wasn't accounting for correctly (laundry). It also brought to light the fact that I need to sit down with my boyfriend and discuss the joint expenses.
What I mean by this is I'm tired of floating everything because his money management skills are non-existent. I've decided to ask him to put money into a jar each month - and I will do the same. This money will cover the groceries and the laundry card. This will make sure that we have the money for gorcoeries set aside each month and the money for the laundry card set aside each month. The trouble with the laundry card is that it has to be filled by a debit or credit card. Basically the money we put into the jar each month needs to find it's way to a card so it can be loaded onto the laundry card. I think this jar will best to ensure that one of us isn't constantly filling the card up because the other one is "tight" this month. I think then I'll be able to put the money of the card from my card and be able to replenish the account with the jar money. I'll set up a leger book for the jars so we can add the date we put our money in, our signature that's there and a witness signature from the other person so we both know it's in there. This way we won't get into the whole "well I put it in there so I don't know why it's $40 short." This will also help us track when the money is used.
The other thing that I'm a little unhappy with myself over is that I've basically been entertaining myself with really expensive forms of entertainment and haven't been paying any attention to things. So I sat down and looked at my budget and looked at my apartment and found that I'm surrounded by entertainment - I was just lost and tired and done with all these forms of entertainment that I really actually like.
My list of entertainment looks like this:
Bicycle around neighbourhood
Walk around neighbourhood
Read (I have 18 books that I haven't even read yet!)
Cross Stitch
Watch DVD's of movies and TV shows I like (go through all DVD's in collection one at a time.)
Read magazines
Cook something new once a week from Cook Books (last night it was a new seasoned chicken and onion risotto)
Play Wii - Wii Resort and Wii Fit, Zelda and Avatar, Mario Kart, Rockband
Scrap book
Dance around the apartment to a CD
Clean one room every other night
Have potluck with friends
Visit friends
Go to the Gym and use the gym pass
Play on line game
Kickbox
The next thing I figured out is that I have quite a bit of product left from my hobby that I would like to find a charity to donate it to. If anyone out there in PF Blogger land knows of a women's shelter that can take product donations, or other creative ways to relieve my spare bedroom of the extra product I'd appreciate the help. The reason I'm looking for a women's shelter or something similar is because I'd like to be able to use the product as a charitable donation at the end of the tax year. I'm not opposed to giving some away to people in need either but I know it won't count towards the charitable donation section on the tax forms. I'd really like the product to do a little work for me. Obviously I'm selling so infrequently that it's just collecting dust on my shelves. I could get back in but ti takes considerable amount of energy I just don't have right now. And I'm not sure I want back in at this time.
Alas, I'm still lost. I've found some direction and figured out a few things but I'm really burnt out. So until I get some energy back I'm going to have to take a more passive approach to my life, take some time to slow down, smell the flowers, free the bats, listen to the birds.
Anyone have any ideas that could help me out with my overstock?
This last little while I've felt like my head is foggy, that I've had no direction, and that I could probably spin in one place making myself dizzy and still get closer to my goals than if I walked straight without the spinning. Starting with a life coach has been helping a lot but this last little while I've found more questions than answers. I've also realized that I have been neglecting my finances.
Budget = toast
Credit Card = balance increased
Savings = Increased
All I can say is it's time to re-evaluate my financial statues and get on track with my goals.
I sat down and redid the budget yesterday. I'm still ok with that - the part that I'm not ok with is that I've allowed myself to indulge in things I knew I couldn't afford and yet did it anyways. Looking back at May I have come to realize that I had burnt myself out all the way across the board. I'm burnt out with keeping track of my money. I'm burnt out with my relationship. I'm burnt out at my job. I'm just plain burnt out. I needed to get refocused.
I enjoyed a lovely conversation with a great person last night that let me vent out some of my frustrations with life in general. It was nice to talk to someone about things. It was nice to get away from everything for an evening.
So yesterday I sat down and re-did the numbers. I figured out I was a little tighter than I was comfortable with on a few things. I realized that I needed to give a little for the just in case section of the budget so I redid the numbers and have moved $50 from my savings back into my monthly budget to cover the one thing that I wasn't accounting for correctly (laundry). It also brought to light the fact that I need to sit down with my boyfriend and discuss the joint expenses.
What I mean by this is I'm tired of floating everything because his money management skills are non-existent. I've decided to ask him to put money into a jar each month - and I will do the same. This money will cover the groceries and the laundry card. This will make sure that we have the money for gorcoeries set aside each month and the money for the laundry card set aside each month. The trouble with the laundry card is that it has to be filled by a debit or credit card. Basically the money we put into the jar each month needs to find it's way to a card so it can be loaded onto the laundry card. I think this jar will best to ensure that one of us isn't constantly filling the card up because the other one is "tight" this month. I think then I'll be able to put the money of the card from my card and be able to replenish the account with the jar money. I'll set up a leger book for the jars so we can add the date we put our money in, our signature that's there and a witness signature from the other person so we both know it's in there. This way we won't get into the whole "well I put it in there so I don't know why it's $40 short." This will also help us track when the money is used.
The other thing that I'm a little unhappy with myself over is that I've basically been entertaining myself with really expensive forms of entertainment and haven't been paying any attention to things. So I sat down and looked at my budget and looked at my apartment and found that I'm surrounded by entertainment - I was just lost and tired and done with all these forms of entertainment that I really actually like.
My list of entertainment looks like this:
Bicycle around neighbourhood
Walk around neighbourhood
Read (I have 18 books that I haven't even read yet!)
Cross Stitch
Watch DVD's of movies and TV shows I like (go through all DVD's in collection one at a time.)
Read magazines
Cook something new once a week from Cook Books (last night it was a new seasoned chicken and onion risotto)
Play Wii - Wii Resort and Wii Fit, Zelda and Avatar, Mario Kart, Rockband
Scrap book
Dance around the apartment to a CD
Clean one room every other night
Have potluck with friends
Visit friends
Go to the Gym and use the gym pass
Play on line game
Kickbox
The next thing I figured out is that I have quite a bit of product left from my hobby that I would like to find a charity to donate it to. If anyone out there in PF Blogger land knows of a women's shelter that can take product donations, or other creative ways to relieve my spare bedroom of the extra product I'd appreciate the help. The reason I'm looking for a women's shelter or something similar is because I'd like to be able to use the product as a charitable donation at the end of the tax year. I'm not opposed to giving some away to people in need either but I know it won't count towards the charitable donation section on the tax forms. I'd really like the product to do a little work for me. Obviously I'm selling so infrequently that it's just collecting dust on my shelves. I could get back in but ti takes considerable amount of energy I just don't have right now. And I'm not sure I want back in at this time.
Alas, I'm still lost. I've found some direction and figured out a few things but I'm really burnt out. So until I get some energy back I'm going to have to take a more passive approach to my life, take some time to slow down, smell the flowers, free the bats, listen to the birds.
Anyone have any ideas that could help me out with my overstock?
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