I am a Bad Bad PF Blogger

Oy!  So, I'm done four presents on my list, plus my bloggy Secret Santa gift.  I have le man, my sister and her husband (joint gift) and my house-mates (other wise known as best friend 2 and hubby) to finish.  I've wrapped everything I've bought so far.

So why am I a bad, bad PF blogger?  Well one, I used my...no I can't....I really should...it's just so horrible....GAH!....c......re.......................d...................i........t.......... *cries* card!  There.  I said it.  Not so bad for the actual gifts I bought (as only a few parts of those went on the card), just that pay day is on Thursday and I didn't want to screw up the end of the month stuff happening....and Christmas Bonus is coming in.  Yes it won't be so bad when the bonus gets here but I spent before I had the money.  *kicks own butt*

The really bad part about the shopping trip, wasn't the amount I spent on the gifts (which so far is only $250 or less), it's that I shopped for me and spent like $500 all on credit!!

Hi bandwagon....thanks for circling back to get me....and running me over.....

Argh!  I love what I got.  I wouldn't take it back at all.  I purged a pile more from my closet...but I didn't need a single thing I got for myself.  I could have just waited.

It's out of my system now.  I have 3 gifts left to buy, and I know pretty much exactly what I'm getting them all.  I just have to wait for the money and cut that credit card to bits. 

Here's the thing - I really dont' feel overly bad about this weekend.  Maybe it's a sabotage thing that I did.  But I've gotten it all out now.  I can honestly say I'm done with searching for items I want.  I'm done with putting myself back a few steps.  I'm looking forward to December, as a lot of things come to an end - like shopping, and school, and this year. 

Sometimes the Turkeys try to Soar

To all the readers from the United States, Happy Thanksgiving!

Today - rather this evening - I'd like to highlight the importance of thinking.  I wear many hats at work.  One of those hats is Accounts Receivable (read money collection bitch).  I work on my accounts usually bi-weekly, as it isn't the most fun part of my job.  Each month or so I receive a customer aging report detailing who owes what then.  I aim to conquer the 91+ region each time.  We work hard to not let our accounts hit this region, and for the most part it works out.  Except for a few clients. 

One such client employs a person to handle tasks for them.  One of those tasks in accounting.  Each month I have to make a call to this client regarding their account.  Each month I'm met with the same exasperation for my call.  Each month I spent 3 hours photocopying invoices to scan them into my computer, create a pdf file and email it to this company/person.  I also compile a detailed aging for this client with invoice numbers, date on invoice, and how far out this is.  Each month I get told that this company has not received (fill in multiple invoices here).  6 months ago I asked my invoicers to begin emailing copies of the invoices from our system to this client, as well as mailing a copy.  Each month I double check the address is correct, that the project is actually to be billed to their division office, and am perplexed at how this person neither receives the pdf email, nor the snail-mailed hard copy. 

Each month it takes a week of back and forth to ensure that all backup is sent (for the third time) that the invoices are again sent, this time faxed (computer trouble and then pdf'd again for the fax machine issues), and agings are resent.  Each month I receive a check that inevitably misses an invoice right in the middle of all the ones that are being paid, and we start the process over.  Each month the person on the other end of the phone reaches anger levels that boarder-line foul language and blame is associated to my company as it's "the only one I ever have issues like this with". 

Each month I spend easily 4 days of my time working on this account to ensure we haven't missed anything, we've billed correctly, all backup is sent, the aging is correct, and that I'm not losing my min thinking they've paid something that I don't have showing paid in any system.

Our "system" isn't perfect here either, so some of my time is spent dealing with the fact that we actually have 3 "systems" in place and I am trying to marry them all together.  One I hold, a second I have access to, and a third I am neither privy to, nor does the person controlling that system work all the time...not to mention those fax/computer/inputting issues on a weekly basis. 

I am very close to pulling out my hair with this client, and the person I have to deal with.  I'm not the only one though...when I get her mad she calls co-workers to try to figure things out without me because I've made her mad.  This often is met with them directing her back to me, since the account is a painful one, the company has agreed to let me, and me alone deal with them. 

It is comical the excuses, blame, and dancing this client does when this arises - and monthly it does.  I have now received what should have been a check to clean up a project we've since finished, as well as a catch up check for the difference from the last check since "someone" didn't add properly.  The trouble is, there's yet another invoice that was missed.

Thanks for reading the little vent!  Happy Turkey and Family Day!

Sitting Down with My Goals

It's been a roller coaster year.  I spent this past weekend in a workshop geared to understanding how to go Beyond Self-Sabotage.  It was well timed for me, as I've had goals that I've let go of over the back end of this year, because I had some healing to do. 

November is more than half over, which means December and month 12 of 2011 is upon us.  Wow!

I have a great list of goals.  This year, more than any other, has taught me that I am good at accomplishing one goal at a time, and not trying to do more than one at a time.  So, I'm sitting with my goals.  I have a health goal, that I can work on unconsciously for now.  I have a financial goal, that I will be renewing the plan and marching purposefully towards for the duration of time it will take to be rid of it.  I have paid off $12,000 worth of debt this year. 

$12,000 is nothing to sneeze at.  It's a great dent in this debt of mine.  It isn't the original goal though, and I'm becoming more ok with that now than ever before. 

So, December will see the following items happen:
1)  I will complete the requirement for 2 more classes towards my degree.
2)  I will begin receiving full paychecks again
3)  I will get some time to work on a few small projects around my apartment that I've had on a list waiting for my classes to be over. 
4)  I will renew my financial plan to get myself to debt free ASAP.  If it's anything like this year, I'll be able to knock it out by June.  You see most of the amount I paid off this year was in the first 6 months of the year - before life handed me all those things.
5)  Christmas!

So, goals for 2012 will look like the goals from 2011, except that I'll be marching purposefully towards completion of the biggest one on my plate, and setting myself up for great success on the second biggest goal I have.  Along the way I'll be accomplishing a few smaller items, that will see my place relieved of that much m ore clutter and emotion and physical baggage that I've been toting around for a while. 

Things are looking up.  I'm contemplating some pretty serious internal stuff for me, and I'm healing wounds along the way. 

I can't wait for December to get here!

Feeling Blessed

A little while ago a wonderful woman named Carla posted something fun to participate in.  Just a few moments ago I found out that I was the recipient of the give-away involved in that act of kindness. 

I want to thank Carla over at My Half Dozen Daily for her thoughts about others.  I want to thank her for posting her World Vision Blog Quest and for the opportunity to participate in something that transcends me.

I felt an overwhelming sense of joy in my heart when I made a decision to donate to this.  I feel humbled that I was randomly chosen to receive the beautiful items Carla spent her time creating.  It provides a synergy for me to be the recipient, as I've spent the last three months healing physical, emotional and spiritual wounds that were opened by events this year.

There are no words for the serendipity of this moment. 

Carla - words of thanks do not feel like enough to express the feelings I have for being able to participate in this act of kindness on persons I have very little connection to.  I thank you for the opportunity to give my money, though the modest amount it was, to something that goes beyond materialism, beyond my ego, my spirit and my being, into a level that I can only hope to again reach one day. 

I urge each of year to sit with your thoughts for a while and reflect on what Christmas means to you.  As you do that, I ask you to be mindful to the idea that perhaps it is possible to exponentially increase your joy by giving the money to someone in this world that would argue that one cow, one goat, and one chicken provide more than simply survival, rather than simply giving that iPad to your son.  Remember to show through your actions, the idea of truly giving of oneself without expecting reciprocation.

Healing More than the Body

Ladies and Gentlemen,  it's been 3 months since I was involved in a car accident.  I've been attending rehabilitation almost daily since then.  Speaking to my practioners, we are extending my treatment plan for a second round, as I am making great progress and they don't want me to slip.  I'm at about 90% functionality, but strength in the arm is still at about 60%. 

Since I've been concentrating on my healing, I've been able to spend some time healing a few other things as well.  I see a doctor everyday at the moment.  This week is the first week that I'm not seeing one everyday.  Its the first time we are able to see if the work we are doing is holding.  During this time I am also spending some much needed time dealing with the mental aspect of life this year. 

It's tough.  It's new ground.  It's scary, lonely, frightening, sad, and painful all at the same time. 

During these last three months, while I've been putting myself back together, I've been neglecting my original goal for this year - getting out of debt.  Here's the thing.  While I'm unhappy at not reaching my original goal, and potentially not reaching my second goal, I've been taking a class on finances offered by Man vs Debt (you should check his blog out), that has allowed me to keep perspective in focus. 

Le man and I still have separate finances.  That means we each have financial goals and milestones we want to meet.  We have not amalgamated our finances, and won't until after certain goals are reached.  As such, I've noticed, that because I'm not necessarily concentrating completely on my finances, I've hit that quick sand people talk about.

It's the point at which you realize that your debt repayment and your spending are keeping you in the same place.  Given the way this year went - the first half I was riding a rocket towards debt-freedom; the second I was riding a rocket of life - I'm not surprised. 

I'm healing well physically, and emotionally, but I've let a wound re-open financially.  The wound being that I'm still in debt, and I'm trending water between payment and credit overuse. 

I've given myself a bit of a pass on this though.  When life hands you a serious of situations that find yourself in my current situation, it all comes down to how you deal with it.  I haven't incurred new debt, but I haven't actually paid off any old debt either.  I have 40-ish days left in this year.  I have Christmas to get past and then the year silently resets itself.  I have hope (great cavernous depths of hope) that the new year will reset, that life will calm down, that the roller-coaster I've been on lets me off for a while, and that I can renew my drive, vigor, desire, and focus to get my goal complete ASAP.

I have learned that I need my support group.  I need that accountability, the check-ins, and the silent cheers to continue to fuel my desire to reach my goal.  I have learned that when life hands me everything at once I get overwhelmed.  I have learned that I need to ask for help.  This is part of the reason I took the course with Adam Baker.  This is part of the reason I'm still upset about not being able to attend Gail Club in three months. 

In the end, I will have arrived at the end of this year having spent 365 days on the life roller coaster.  Achieving half of my original financial goal, and finding that I've exhausted my ability to keep going int he face of adversity.  I can honestly say I'm tired.  I can honestly say I'm exhausted.  I can honestly say that I have a project list a mile long, that there are things I've been neglecting for months now, and there are things I wish I could have a do-over on. 

My body is very nearly healed.  My mind is on the mend.  While the financial wound I had at this time last year, is well on the way to healing, it has a little way to go.  I've even healed a relationship this year as well. 

For the remainder of the year, I"ll be taking a lot more low-key approach to life.  I'm looking forward to next weekend when I attend a seminar (well timed I'd say) on Going Beyond Self-Sabotage.  I think this is one of the thing I've been silently doing since June.  I've been scared to allow myself to continue to soar towards my original goal.  I allowed all kinds of things to get in the way.  I allowed the skeptics to weigh me down and get in my head. 

I'll be doing a lot more mental healing in the next 40-ish days.  I'll be resetting everything so when Jan 1 gets here, I'm ready to take on the new year.  I'll be resetting my financial items so that I can cleanly run the end of this marathon.  Seems like it's a long time away, but I've learned this year that although time feels infinite, it is rather finite.  I can only do some many things at a time before the quality of my attention to those items, the ability to execute those tasks and the drive to get them done falls by the way-side. 

I have a little more healing to do this year.  I've resolved to make 2011 the only year that everything that has happened affects me.  The best lesson I've learned in the last 3 months is to absolutely listen to my gut instinct and stop trying to override it with the ever whimsical brain thinking.  The gut instinct I have has been bang on each and every time I've had it.  I've just allowed my brain to talk myself out of listening.  I guess this is another thing I'm healing.

On the Purge Again!

This past weekend, after letting my apartment get a little unruly, I went on the war path.  I'll be honest though, it was only because a friend called, said she was in need of some face to face time, and I had an hour between the phone call and her arrival.

In an hour I managed to get dressed, hair done, teeth brushed, face washed, the bathroom cleaned in it's entirety, the dishes washed, dried and put away, the living room vacuumed, and the bed sheets changed.  I was a bit of a whirlwind.  My dining room table is covered in stuff still, but it was a small consolation to the fact that what is now on my dining room table, was once strewn about the apartment.  At least it's all in one place now. 

Said visit included some movement, in the form of walking a mall.  Ordinarily I wouldn't have been so happy about the mall, but we mostly talked the entire time, and sipped a hot chocolate.  I did break my savings though.  I figured out last week that I was in need of a purge in my closet - out with the old, unworn, untouched, unused, unhappy with clothing.   The purge took on a life of it's own - I found boxes I can use up at Christmas, I have tags made from old cards for Christmas.  I have removed the purses I stored but haven't used in years.  I have purged my old costumed earrings.  I have cleaned up the junk at the side of my bed, and now have a box of items to use up and get out.  I purged my old makeup and lipsticks and lip glosses.  I've found 8 emery boards.  I rearranged my grooming items into a basket and put them on a shelf in the bathroom. 

I have a box of clothing to donate, and a box of miscellaneous items to donate.  I could try selling these, but it's a bit of a pain, and I really just want the stuff out of my life.  I even have one pair of shoes going out too - worn once, in great condition, go with a dress I'm relieving myself of and go with one of the purses that's going out as well. 

While I've resigned myself to not being the skinny me anymore, I've learned that it's time I only keep the clothing I like to wear around me.  I feel better this way.  I don't feel overwhelmed by the clothing in my closet or drawers anymore, I have a few key pieces that I'm working to getting back into but the rest of my clothing fits my current size and weight and not my aspirations. 

I have a bunch of room in my closet now.  I have better stocked drawers now.  I have a clear colour scheme, with multiple outfits.  I have a better feeling that everything is cleaner, more organized, and more accessible.  The lines are cleaner.  The space I freed up makes me happy, and I don't feel like i"m drowning anymore. 

On top of that, there will be a few more items going after this Christmas that will alleviate some more space in the closet as well!! 

Most of all the motivation is carrying over to me wanting to start to slim down again.  Get healthy again.  Move my body, give it strength and endurance and start to feel more myself again. 

Next up is a seminar on Self Sabotage next weekend, followed by purging the living room and dining room of items, or making decisions about items. 

Question for all you sporty people out there...what have you done with your trophies and metals?  I have a box of them in my apartment and I don't have a clue what to do with them!!

Gratitude is Wonderful

Every year I look for something to do that gives back to someone else.  Some years it's through donations to groups like Sleeping Child or Kiva, some years it's random acts of kindness for strangers.  This year, part of my give back came from a fellow blogger - My Half Dozen Daily. 

The cause - World Vision

The Give-back - raising money to purchase animals for villagers in developing countries to help them feed their family and villagers. 

The feeling - better than you can even imagine!

So, this year, I'd like to encourage all of you to find a cause, a group, a person - something to give back to.

In case you are wondering - Sleeping Children provide bed-rolls with clothing, shoes, sleep-gear and other necessary items to children in developing countries so they can live, sleep, and protect their bodies and feet from the elements.  The items in the bed roll can mean the ability to attend school.  Or help their entire family. 

Give back.  Do something that doesn't mean getting something except the feeling of doing something needed for someone you don't even know.

There are lots of great things to get involved in - soup kitchen volunteer, donations to women's or men's shelters, adopting a family for the holidays, providing food for homeless, donating money to a cause that provides animals or shelther, or other needed items for villages and families overseas.  There are so many things to do.  This year, why not start early and see what your money can do for others.

This year, my money is going to help villagers gain animals to eat, and live, trade goods with and take care of.  And, I think it's the best money I've ever spent!

Plateaus and Buttes and the "Rescue a Friend" call...

Today I wanted to talk about the financial plateau.  It is an actual thing.  It's that point just before fatigue sets in whereby you take a look at your finances and you figure out that you've been sitting on a plateau - sometimes called a butte, depending on the mountain - for some time. 

I've been sitting on this plateau since July.  I've made tiny little strides to lowering my debt, but overall I've been paying off the same money for 4 straight months now.  I've got a "wall" it seems.

When you look at mountain ranges, you'll see that they are made up of peaks and flats and valleys.  the valleys are the backward slides or drastic falls in finance.  The Buttes or Plateaus are the flat top portions of a mountain or range, the peaks - that's where the upward progress is happening.

I'm sitting in a lovely Butte at the moment.  Though, since a butte by definition, is smaller than a plateau, perhaps its a plateau....

Never the less, this month - now that mid-terms are over - will be filled with forward motion and removing the blocks, the boulders and the financial stale-warts.

The second part of what I want to talk about today revolves around your friends.

Have you ever made a call to a friend because you were so overwhelmed with life that you needed someone to help you stop the world and get your mind out of the bad place you are in?  I've had my fair share this year.  Today, I'm on the receiving end of one of those phone calls.  I knew it was coming - she's been burning out for months now.  You always hope that things turn around before that desparate call is made though.

I knew who it was when she called - by her call Id number - and I knew that she's in need...so instead of answering "Hello" I answered "How can I help?"  She took a deep breath, I could hear a little smile in the sigh, and she just said "Movie night Saturday pleeeeaase!!!"  Absolutely!!

She asked what time - I said, I'm yours from 4:30pm on.  I'll bring the food and the alcohol - you just bring all your mental stuff and we'll take care of it.  She asked about inviting others and I told her whatever she needed was cool with me - if it was just us that's good, if others come by I'm happy with that too - as long as she was.  It was up to her!

This weekend will be nice for me - to mom's to clean out the house, then to my bestie's house to help her get out of her head space for the evening.